goodnight i made you a song goodbye
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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