But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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