I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
