he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize
