I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize