At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
me + whiskey = a bad person
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
