Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Randomize
