Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
