It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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