Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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