i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
