the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
