Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
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He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
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I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
why is half of my head shaved?
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