apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
My ATM looks so different sober.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
