i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
