One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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