The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
