There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
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