i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.