U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
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I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
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I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.