on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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