I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
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Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
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wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.