Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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