Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
