You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize