I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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