You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
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Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.