singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.