My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me