I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.