"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
21 Dirty Secrets From Bachelor/Bachelorette Parties That Have Destroyed Marriages
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
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Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"