I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Randomize
