So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
