And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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