Who wears a wallet chain?!
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
