Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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