I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Randomize
