My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
