I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I just googled if crying burns calories
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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