how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
