a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
What a dumb baby whore.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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