Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
