dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Randomize