did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
