i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
