I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
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