Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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