he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
