I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
