living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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