Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Randomize
