The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
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