quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
