I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
