I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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