I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
