a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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