we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
