It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Randomize
