If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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