He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Randomize
