After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
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