My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
