what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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