Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
God I need to hump something, right now.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
