Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
